i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
