She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
