the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
