just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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