i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
