I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
