it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
