4 words: hood of his car
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
