Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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