Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
