Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
