I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
