God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
