My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
