Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
