I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
