i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
