True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
