I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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