I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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