i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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