not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
