yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
