I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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