some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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