I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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