PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
