Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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