No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
