Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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