i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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