My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
