I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
