Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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