what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
