This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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