remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
