you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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