It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
