next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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