Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
