he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
