It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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