there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Randomize
