My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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