No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
