you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How external is "for external use only"?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
