Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
