Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
