you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
