hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
