the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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