i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
