We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
