And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
