May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
